So... it turns out that an apple with a moustache is, in fact, quite terrifying.

Man... this week.... It felt like I was always nine steps behind.
But....It was a good one.
And the Revolting Cogs had a pretty big weekend.
On Saturday, Greg Bell, Barry Bell, and "freakin" Shannon Scott headed up to the Moore's Spring Trails for the inaugural Doubleshot.

"Don't look now, but here they come."

By all accounts, it was a great race. A le mans start followed by 12 miles of singletrack, then by 13 miles of road, ending with the climb to the top of Hanging Rock.

Greg... likely musing on Topology (and dare I say a little Topography.)

Shannon... likely freakin musing on how freakin hard he's freakin riding.

We're definitely putting it on the calendar for next year. The key, I'm told, was to take the le mans start very seriously and get ahead of the camelbacks, lest you find yourself in the choo choo train on the climb.

Some times.... some people.... they just don't want to let you by...

"Hey man... whenever you get a second... Alright... on the left... Hey!.... ok... the right, then... Hey! F*** Dude!"

Look....I know it's embarrassing... because I've been passed more times than I care to remember. But to my mind, common courtesy dictates that you get out of the way of the better riders when they politely ask. If you can up the game and hang with them once they pass... maybe even kick their ass in the line sprint... then more power to you.

But for the moment... come on.

The following Sunday was the Shootout on Anglers Ridge, at which the Cogs had another great showing. Morgan Olsson, Eric Sauer, Cullen Cooper, Mike Goff, and Rob Easton all had great races, with Cullen finishing 3rd in SS after a nutrition malfunction, and Morgan taking the podium as well.

The ever dashing Cullen Cooper.

Who, judging by the pictures, rides behind his saddle all the time.

Mike Goff...."Race mountain bikes? Sure... I've never done it before. Is it hard? Sweet!"

Morgan Olsson...."You are all meat to me! MEEEAAAT!!!"

Eric Sauer....."Say my socks look goofy again... See what happens."

Rob Easton....."Hulk SMASH!!!"

I wish I could have made it to either day of racing. If only to get my ass handed to me and galvanize some sort of commitment to getting in race shape.

Sigh.

Saturday also saw the Cogs at the Beard-o ride and the Beard and Moustache Competition.

It was....umm... epic.

Ben set the tone for the whole night with his showing in the Natural Moustache Category. From there things kind of fell apart. For us, anyway.

An spirited performance. Perhaps too spirited for the tender sensibilities of the judges.

I was content to watch until someone mentioned that perhaps I should enter the CORPORATE BEARD competition. I balked, as the only beard competition I'm likely to ever win is "Best Beard Made of Pubic Hair Glued to the Face." But as the money went to a great cause....and as I OWN a f___ing corporation.... why not.

As I stood there wondering what on earth I was going to do that wouldn't be ridiculous or already done, especially since my beard is a disgrace to beards everywhere....I heard the MC and organizer, Andrew Dudek say "This is the only time we've had requests for the contestant to take his shirt off before he's actually even stepped foot on the stage." My destiny was set before I even had a chance.

You can see the progression.

"There's no way in hell I'm taking off my shirt, folks"

(hesitating) "Really? That's what you want?"

(me apparently trying to be Ben)

"You still want this?!"

(they didn't)

As the microphone was held to my face for my appeal to the judges, I vaguely remember mentioning (despite what they say, I wasn't yelling (I'm sure)) that I was the only contestant on stage who "owns my own ______ corporation!!! This is the new face of "corporate", b______!!!

F___ CORPORATIONS!!!!"

(except mine, right?)

Judge Molly McGinn of Amelia's Mechanics didn't miss a beat when she quipped, "You obviously already know that owning your own corporation is a sure fire way to lose your shirt." Touche.

Needless to say, I didn't win. And I'm not going to share the other photos. Not that there are any. In fact. There aren't. At all.

But if I had a very poor showing, there were some truly great beards and moustaches. Here's a smattering .

One of the driving forces of BMONC, Mike Duez.

Jordan of Another Roadside Attraction.

I wanted this award soooo badly.

So.... soft. (shudder)

The Electric Starfish. Por que?

Porque.

If wires and combustible electric arcs in your facial hair seem a bit scary (as fellow Beard-o rider Greg put it, "Can you imagine the smell if this place burned to the ground with all of us inside?")

... consider this....

Look away.... look away...

All in all, it was a great event and we were stoked to be a part of it.

And next year, mayhaps we'll hold it in check a little better.

But maybe not.

The following morning, Ben and I gave each other a little pep talk. "It's going to be alright, man. No one remembers that s___."

"Man... were you at that beard thing with your shirt off?"

"Nope. Not me... it was that bike shop guy."

Look away.... Look away....