Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Where you go?

I don't really know.



Some of you may have heard... but I set out last Tuesday afternoon in my van... with no real destination in mind save for "west."
The pins in my mental map were less physical points and more just nexuses of potential energy. 
I could ignore them... or unlock them. And there were so many. So many crossroads and divergent and convergent paths I could take.
It was overwhelming... in the best ways. Like an orgasm.

The reasons for the trip are many and varied. The most prominent being the burning need to travel. To step away from routines and patterns that were becoming confines. Not because of what they intrinsically and inherently are... but because that's what I've let them become. Stifling confines to creative thought and to forward momentum. A moebius strip of progress. A snake eating its tail. Going nowhere fast.

When the weather begins to turn, I always feel an oppressive melancholy. I do love autumn. But... it signifies the end of summer and for me, always reminds me that yet another year has gone by and my shit is everything and everywhere but together. Mayhaps this year's autumn oppresses a little more because in January I turn 40. On one level, that means nothing. On another... it means everything. (Profound)
And these... were the last days before the weather really turned. Before the trees lost all of their leaves and 5 months of brown begins. And I didn't want to spend that time digging the same ruts I've dug for years.

But outside of that... there was just opportunity. My son was out of town with his mom for the next two weeks. The shop was in the more than capable hands of Ben.
And well... have van, will travel.

And... also...as of Tuesday, I had less than $200.00 in my bank account. And a credit card.
And...isn't this what you do when you're broke? Head west?
I could be broke at home... or broke on the road.

But before you think this is just me irresponsibly running away from the mountains and trenches of stress that I need to traverse and climb out of... let me tell you a little more about the WHY.
About the tipping point that made me get in the van and drive....

About a week before this walkabout... I heard that a shop was selling...or closing it's doors. Big Poppi's in Manhattan, KS. On one level, it's trivial news... because I don't live in the region and honestly know very little about the shop. And the why's of their sale and closing could be... anything.
But what I do see is yet another independent shop closing it's doors. A shop that was a strong player and advocate for all things that the IBD is and should be. And lately... I've seen too much of that... whatever form it takes.

So it galvanized this long standing thought in my head...that I wanted to travel... and see and talk with shops and with people. We could have candid conversations with no agenda...that could sprawl over everything we do and unearth some truths. No contrived questions about strengths and weaknesses and direction. Just... talk.

And then... time to myself. Where routine didn't cloud my mind. Where I could wrap my head a little more solidly around the things I was trying to put in place and figure out. Whether it's from behind the wheel... on a road I've never driven.... from behind the handlebars on a trail I've never ridden... or sitting at a bar in a town I've never visited.

Sadly... my time is limited. And as always, I will not get to go half of the places I want or need. Or see half the people I should.
But I'll take it.
I have this absurdly stupid thing I say sometimes... often when I'm riding...and I roll into a vista or view or moment that represents everything about WHY I'm out there on my bike.
"I accept this."

This trip... as imperfect as it is....

I accept it.



I'll tell you more soon. And there's a lot to tell.
But for now? Just come drink with me. Wherever I am.




2 comments:

  1. If you come through Fort Wayne, IN(yes, I know it's not exactly "westward", but these kind of trips tend to ramble a bit), first beer's on me bro.

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  2. Ahh, yes..."yet another year has gone by and my shit is everything and everywhere but together"...I can relate.

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